i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize