I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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