Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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