Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
