He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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