Ambien. No doubt about it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
