Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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