you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
