you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
