i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
