Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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