is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
