GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
