Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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