He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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