I just cut my nipple shaving
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
