also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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