why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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