I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
