Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
