Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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