youre lurking in front of me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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