this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize