He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
