meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
