i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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