I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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