Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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