I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize