Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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