How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
