So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
