She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
