I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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