How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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