By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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