some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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