You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
