clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
