haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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