I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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