and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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