I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
