I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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