I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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