If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
sex in a hospital.. check
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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