why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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