Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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