I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
