oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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