Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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