I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize