i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
