dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
