i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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