u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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