I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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