there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
