Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
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Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
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i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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