with your own penis?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
