I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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