As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
